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IMPOSTER SYNDROME
The Voice That Doesn’t Pay Rent but Still Won’t Shut Up
I only started looking into Imposter Syndrome a couple of years ago. Before that, I honestly thought this was just me. Just how my brain worked. Just this constant feeling that no matter what I did in terms of work, relationships, friendships, social situations, etc, I somehow wasn’t supposed to be there. Like everyone else had received a secret manual on “How To Be A Valid Human Being,” and mine got lost in the post. Funnily enough it’s the same feeling I get about adulting! That stuff requires a PHD from the University of an undiscovered planet! But God loves a trier!
When I finally read about imposter syndrome, everything clicked. It felt like someone had been documenting my inner monologue my entire life. Suddenly it made sense why I’d walk into a room thinking you don’t belong here, why any achievement felt like luck, and why I overanalysed everything, even in relationships, never believing I was enough for any man. (Though to be fair, modern dating could make anyone question their sanity!)
What Imposter Syndrome Sounds Like in My Brain
Check out a sample of the daily commentary I never asked for.
For a long time, all of these things ate away at me, turning everything I did into something that could be questioned, doubted, and dismissed.
And here’s the thing: I know I’m good at what I do. I know I work hard. I know I care. I know I put 100% into whatever I take on. But that imposter voice still tries its luck.
But acknowledging it is half the battle. That’s when everything starts to shift.
A previous blog of mine was about avoiding avoidance. That’s how I deal with imposter syndrome too…in a fashion. I don’t run from it. I don’t pretend it’s not happening. I don’t drown it out with distractions. Instead, I look it dead in the eye and tell it, in no uncertain terms, yes you are here, wow you’ve got a gob on you, but I’m gonna continue regardless so you do you and I’ll do me.
I allow the feeling because rejecting it only makes it scream louder but I don’t hand it the steering wheel. I don’t let it decide what I’m capable of. I remind myself about where I’ve been, what I’ve survived, what I’ve worked for, the effort I’ve put in, and the things I’ve actually achieved. And you can do the same.
What triggers imposter syndrome?
You’d think criticism would trigger imposter syndrome, right?
Nope.
Praise does.
Someone says something kind, and my first thought is:
“Oh my god, they’re lying. Why are they lying? What are they hiding?! What’s the ulterior motive?”
It makes NO sense.
Zero.
Yet there it is.
Another trigger: anywhere I feel like I’m not supposed to be. Rooms full of confident people.
Groups where everyone seems to know what they’re doing. Business and work situations where I know what I’m talking about and I know what I’m doing but nope, it still makes me doubt myself. It’s nuts.
And then we have the classic, universal human crisis: “Everyone else has their life together except me.”
(They don’t. Trust me. No one’s got a clue.)
How you can fight imposter syndrome
Have a word with yourself: For me I will either go full on motivational speaker, a hard-ass drill sergeant, or I mix the two. But I’m a stubborn sod so the hard ass makes the most impact.
You can’t argue with evidence: Whatever it is you’re doubting—find something that debunks it. When I question my skills, whether that’s writing, marketing, business etc, I look at the evidence that proves the imposter syndrome wrong. It’s me that has the qualifications, me that’s getting my clients results, and me that has spent most of my life as a paid writer. People don’t pay for crap. Results don’t come from fairy dust. And those distinctions came from my brain. Argument done. Off you pop imposter syndrome.
Journaling: This is not for everyone, but before you fob it off because you can’t be bothered or you hate writing…just give it a go. With most things that are in my head, taking up space where I don’t want them to—journalling helps. It either helps me to make sense out of something I don’t get, it alleviates frustration by simply venting with my pen, and it also allows me to make sense of things in a rational way.
Say thank you when someone praises you. Don’t explain it away. Don’t downplay it. Accept it. I dare you!
Keep a list of proof. Every win, compliment, achievement — write it down. Refer back to this on bad days.
Talk about it. Imposter syndrome thrives in silence. If you don’t want to talk then write.
Confidence and competence are not the same thing. Plenty of confident people can’t do what you do. I assure you. And you don’t need to feel 100% all the time. Being uncomfortable is part of growth. If you’re too comfortable, plodding along with a smile on your face and not a doubt in sight…you’re probably not growing which means you won’t be going anywhere.
Self-doubt is a part of life. In my opinion, if you sometimes question what you are doing, if you wonder what more you could have done, or you think of alternative things to do to get a better result next time…that actually shows that you care about what you do because people who don’t care never question themselves.
QUIT THE COMPARISON!!
(I felt like this one needed to be pointed out incredibly clearly but I don’t fancy adding voice notes to my blog so just imagine me screaming this at the top of my lungs please.)
The stuff you see online of people always happy, constantly winning, entirely successful, all of their ducks are in a row, and they never set a foot wrong. They have the massive house, the lovely family, a successful job and blah blah blah. Do you seriously think this is their honest life with no down time, no drama, and no negativity?
It’s not. People will share what they want you to see for the most part. It’s human nature to share the wins. Nobody wants to log onto Facebook and announce that they’re crying into their third tub of ice cream in the PJs they’ve had on for three days in a row.
You cannot and should not compare yourself or your life to some polished dribble you’ve seen online. The same goes for the people you know. They may be your friend, but do you really know the ins and outs of their life or are you connecting the dots yourself instead?
My point is…most of the time when you do this comparison, it’s not a true comparison, it’s a showcase. But let’s say these made-up people somehow lead a fairytale life with no issues or drama or hurdles (come on, surely you don’t believe this is possible?) should you really compare your life to theirs? No. We are our own people with different paths, journeys, and desires. Someone else having or wanting something doesn’t mean you have to want the same.
I’ve known people with the career, the house, the family…all things many of us strive for, yet they still don’t think it’s enough because they know someone else who has ‘more’ or something ‘better’. I also know that the more you focus on what you don’t have, the more you take for granted what you do have, and the more of your life and happiness you waste.
Think about the life you have and be grateful for it because I bet there is someone in your life who wants what you have. There was also probably a time in your life where you wished that you had everything that you have now. Have goals, yes, but make them your goals, not someone else’s.
Stop rambling Gemma
Imposter syndrome is something that I will probably argue with on a weekly basis, I don’t mind, I like a challenge and I love winning! I know that ultimately, I have a decision to make. Do I listen to the self-doubt, believe it, and let it take over my life? Or do I choose to have faith in what I know and trust, and lead the life that I know I deserve?
Now turn the tables and ask yourself those questions. Are made up doubts really enough reason for you to roll over, give up, and admit defeat? I think not. Keep going. Your future is waiting for you, and your current life deserves the gratitude.
Remember, sometimes, the simple fact that you question yourself is the biggest sign that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
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