I’ve also been through times where I’ve allowed people to treat me badly, and this is something I found happened more and more, with the more I allowed it. Until I put my foot down. While some people may think this is me being stubborn (and I’ll be the first to admit that I am!) or me not putting other people first, what it actually is, is finding a mutual ground on both parts, and also remembering that you know what….it’s absolutely acceptable to put my needs first! It’s not selfish.

Healthy boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about protecting your time, energy, and wellbeing so you can show up as your best self. So here are some ways to start putting them in place:

Get clear on what matters to you

Boundaries only work if you know what you’re protecting. Ask yourself: What do I need more of in my life? What do I need less of? If your evenings are sacred downtime, that’s a line worth drawing. But if you don’t know what it is that you want, you can’t expect other people to know. So, take some time and think of what matters to you, and what might make you feel better in yourself and your life.

Learn to say “no” without an essay

I struggled with this one! It’s taken practice and I still need to do it more, but I’m trying!

Just remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation when you say no. Simply say ‘I can’t make it’ or ‘no thanks’ or ‘Ah I’ve got too much on’ and if the person you are speaking to is known to be one to keep digging, steer the conversation back to them—ask about their plans and shift the focus.

No doesn’t have to come with a reason. No can just be no. That’s ok.

Expect pushback

There will be people who have become somewhat accustomed to your lack of boundaries and your need to please, and these people may not love your new rules. That’s normal. But their reaction doesn’t make you wrong, it just means the dynamic is shifting. Stand your ground and do not get walked over. They’ll get used to the new you. 😉

Protect your time like it’s money

If I asked you for £50 right now, you probably wouldn’t hand it over. So why give away your time and energy so easily? Value them more than you value money because once they’re gone, you don’t get them back, ever. If something doesn’t feel right for you, if you need that time to yourself, or if you’ve just had enough, decline the demands and put yourself first.

Boundaries go both ways

Much like respect, boundaries work both ways, so you also have to respect other people’s boundaries, and remember, they may be different to yours. Practice what you preach, and you’ll be respected more for it.

Remember, boundaries aren’t only for people who already know you. Strangers or new acquaintances may also push to see what they can get away with. That’s why it’s important to set them early, guard your peace, and refuse to let anyone drain your time or energy—no one is worth that. For me, when I realise someone has abused my time and energy with intent, they lose every ounce of respect I had for them, and there’s a very slim chance (if any) of ever getting it back. My boundaries are part of what keeps me sane, and they also remind me that I’m in the driving seat when it comes to my time.

Setting boundaries can feel awkward at first, but it gets easier every time you do it. The people who truly care about you will adjust, and the ones who can’t respect your limits probably shouldn’t have unlimited access to you anyway—keep them at arm’s length.

Protecting your peace isn’t selfish…it’s necessary.